Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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