we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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