Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
