Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
