The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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