stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
