I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
