If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
