i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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