I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
