also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
