yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
