Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
