Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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