lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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