nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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