Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
