There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
