i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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