how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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