New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it glows. i had to have it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize