I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
