Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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