just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
