Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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