I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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