Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
