She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
being pregnant is like rehab
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
