Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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