I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
