My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
