I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
