I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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