Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
