By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
