so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
