i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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