i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
