Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
