how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
