Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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