my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
