I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
