i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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