You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize