Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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