apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
