I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
