please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
two words: eviction party
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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