I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
