Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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