the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
