i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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