you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
