discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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