She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
