i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
