he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
