i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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