I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
