my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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