Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
