How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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