Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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