Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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