I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
