i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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