god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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