Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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