no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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