I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
