Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
